Hamlet vs Twinkle, Brown and Cameron

ok, I've lost the plot - but I realised that this could be generalised into a general Vs engine, so without further ado!

Alternative Hamlet
Hamlet Vs Twinkle, Twinkle little star
Hamlet Vs David Cameron's Party speech
Hamlet Vs Gordon Brown's Global Economy speech
Hamlet Vs Bush
Hamlet Vs Obama
Hamlet Vs McCain

must, stop.. but Cameron version very good:

SCENE I. Elsinore. A million victims from alcohol related-attacks.

Sound money; low taxes – and it is a good child and a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

HAMLET
How much I’ve worked in business alongside great entrepreneurs. I believe to be all around us.

Danes
[Aside] Though this be so.' We pray you, madam.

HAMLET
I'll set those to you like the herald Mercury
New-lighted on a heaven-kissing hill;
No, by strong hand
Of violent birth, but it’s not just for their care so doctors stop answering to Whitehall, no spirit dares stir abroad;
And let him, Horatio: a certain
convocation of politic worms are e'en with losing his wits.

MARCELLUS
Nay, do not know from personal experience just how brilliant and dedicated the people muddied,
Stood challenger on mount of all parties and none who created these safety nets and springboards. But it’s not my meaning: but I
cannot play upon me.

HAMLET
I am afeard you make it.

HAMLET
Why, what from our brother Norway?

QUEEN GERTRUDE
It is 'Adieu, adieu!
If it will please you go about to speak it profanely,
Look to't that can crop up on your heads: he, repulsed--a short tale to make ourselves relevant to the stage with tears
Had he been put on by a forged process of my cause,
To give the first Conservative metropolitan council in the mind and soul
To both your honours.

Hamlet using a Markov chain

Still playing with Markov chains, created a webpage that generates alternative versions of Hamlet, sample excerpt:

SCENE I. Elsinore. A room in Polonius' house.

Enter KING CLAUDIUS, attended
KING CLAUDIUS and POLONIUS

LORD POLONIUS

[Behind] O, ho! do you mark that?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

As kill a king!

FRANCISCO

Nay, I know not:
Is by a sleep to say we end
The ratifiers and props of every word,
They are not the trail of policy so sure
As hush as death, anon the dreadful thunder
Doth all the days i' the church.

KING CLAUDIUS

Give you good night.

Exit POLONIUS

Will you be honest and fair, your honesty should
admit no discourse to your rest; at night we'll hear a play
Let me be accurst!
None wed the second time I kill my husband dead,
Till the foul crimes done in my life,
That I have found
The observed of all your son's distemper.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: welcome, good Marcellus.

The best poor Yorick so far is "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew your father; " - obviously his dad was not a nice guy ;-)

Hamlet vs. Twinkle, twinkle, little star

Give a markov chain a childs rhyme, a dash of Hamlet and behold! Hamlet's little star:

a little ere the mightiest julius fell,
the graves stood tenantless and the suits of solemn black,
nor windy suspiration of forced breath,
no, nor the fruitful river in the sky.

as your bright and tiny spark,
he could not see which way to heaven;
whiles, like a diamond in the roman streets:
as stars with trains of fire and dews of blood,
disasters in the same covenant,
and carriage of the land.

bernardo
i think i hear them. stand, ho! who's there?

enter horatio and marcellus,
the rivals of my watch, bid them make haste.

francisco
i think it was about to speak, when the blazing sun is gone,
when he nothing shines upon,
then you show your little light,
twinkle, twinkle, all the holy vows of heaven
where now it burns, marcellus and bernardo, on their watch,
in the land,
and why such daily cast of brazen cannon,
and foreign mart for implements of war;
why such impress of shipwrights, whose sore task
does not grow alone
in thews and bulk, but, as this temple waxes,
the inward service of the cock.
some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
wherein our saviour's birth is celebrated,
the bird of dawning singeth all night long:
and then, they say, you spirits oft walk in death.